Proof of Life

Hello, dear friends.

It’s been a minute since I’ve posted anything here. Thank you to all of you who have checked in to see if I’m okay. It has made me feel very loved.

There is not a whole lot to report. My daughter is home for the summer. In three weeks, she will be moving across the country to go to school on the East Coast, and we’ve been working hard to get her ready for that, figuring out the financing, doing a yard sale, helping her sell her car, etc.

It’s been unseasonably hot here this month, a good ten degrees or more over our average temps, and wildfires are raging nearby. We are about 20 miles away from the Akawa Butte fire, which officials are saying is the nation’s highest-priority fire for resource relocation, according to OregonLive.com. There are several other fires around us, and last week, the winds were such that the smoke was really, really thick where we lived. We had a few hours after a thunderstorm where AQI levels got to 700! (anything over 151 is considered unhealthy for everyone. 301 or higher is considered hazardous, per airnow.gov). It was hot, sticky, and nasty weather, and my heart seemed to struggle with the combination of high temperatures, high humidity, and the smoke. Thankfully, the wind has shifted, and our air has been much cleaner the last couple of days, and our temperatures have given us a little reprieve in the mid to high 80s rather than in the 90s.

I’m not sure if it’s the heat, the emotional load of getting our daughter ready to move across the country, or something else entirely, but I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. I’m still sleeping about 11 hours per night, and during the day, I feel pretty weak. I’m not motivated to do much, and when I do make myself be productive, I feel like I’m walking through quicksand, forcing one foot in front of the other. Because I’ve felt so out of it, I haven’t been on Substack much. There is something about putting myself out there on social media that requires a large number of emotional spoons, and I don’t have any extra to give this summer. I am fairly certain that when the temperatures drop down and my daughter is safely settled into her new life 2,500 miles away, I will return to Substack. In the meantime, please know that I am okay.

I have had to move my three-month PET scan to accommodate our trip to Philadelphia in August, so I won’t know until September 10th what the status of my cancer is. I was having some pains the last couple of days that made me go hmm, but the reality is that I don’t feel a whole lot different than I did a couple of months ago, except for the exhaustion and somewhat higher pain level, so I am optimistic that my scans will remain clear. We shall see.

Thank you for all of your support. While I’m not on here much anymore, I think of you all often.

With love from Oregon,

Becks.

I took this selfie this morning as proof of life. Alive and well :)